From Here & There Friday: Why Europe?

Father's Day in Paris, France.

Earlier in the year an opportunity arose for my husband to teach a 4 week college course in Austria this Summer. I know it probably sounds crazy, but when my husband first suggested that we take our whole family to Europe, I didn't want to do it.  It sounded like a ton of work with reason after reason to be anxious.  The thought of getting us all ready for a 5 week international adventure was daunting alone, without figuring in my fatigue and morning sickness of first trimester.  However, I've come to learn that when my husband feels prompted by God, it's a wise thing to listen and receive my own spiritual confirmation.

As I pondered and prayed and opened my heart, an unusual and unfamiliar calmness settled upon me.  I knew that God wanted us to take our whole family on this "mission" and that it would be a great blessing for us.  I knew that God had prompted us to have this baby at THIS time, that He'd also called us to take on this adventure together and that He would make it all possible.  Thinking back on the trip, I truly am amazed to see how God was in the details.  We had a few hiccups, some stressful & tiring moments, but overall it went amazingly smoothly.  Oh how he blessed us for trusting in His call.

In 5 weeks we drove nearly 5,000 miles, visited 8 countries (Germany, Austria, Slovenia, Italy, Czech Republic, Netherlands, Belgium and France), and learned a few phrases in 7 languages.

Leading up to our departure, I mentioned to my therapist that this would be a mid-semester test, an opportunity to put in to practice all that I'd been learning & working on in therapy.  I'd like to share some of the sweet lessons I learned and experiences we had.

Our family grew closer & our kids really did make the trip more meaningful and fun-

It was so sweet to see our kids play together, depend on each other, help one another.  

We did so much traveling on the weekends that the only consistent thing we had was each other.  I loved having our family as the familiar piece and foundation of our trip.

Seeing my children love one another is one of the most joyful things I have experienced.  I imagine Heavenly Father feels similarly about us, His children.

My anxiety about public expectations diminished.  I wasn't so worried about what people thought and let my kids, for the most part, be themselves, whether that meant dragging their blankies around Europe, picking up every slug or requesting the same food over and over and over again. By doing so, I got a deeper glimpse into who my children really are and my love for them grew in ways I didn't anticipate. Oh how therapy has helped me to love & cherish my children so SO much more!

Before setting out on our trip I was a bit worried about how it would be road tripping around Europe with 4 kids (3, 5, 7, and 9).  I think the hardest was our 3 year old who gave me a few scares with her autonomous and fearless ways, and often was 10 steps behind us, taking things at her pace.  But I sure loved having her little spunky self along.  And I once read that you're going to have tantrums and whining anyway, so you might as well deal with it in a cool place.  That proved to be true!  Yes, there were meltdowns, fighting, whining and complaining as usual, but having our kids along made the whole trip more magical, exploratory and fun.

We enjoyed a simplified life-

For about three weeks we lived in a beautiful valley in Austria in a house that was built in 1905.  It had most of the modern amenities, but we mainly enjoyed the fresh mountain air, hearing cow bells ring, picking wild flowers, watching storms rush in and out, playing with snails & slugs, listening to classical music, water coloring, taking walks, tasting new-to-us foods and relaxing.

Now, as a caveat, the first day my husband headed in to town to teach and it was just me and the kids and the neighboring cows, anxiety started to creep in.  Could I do it?  Could I manage this strange house and kids in a German-speaking country?  How would it go?  How would we use all of our time??  And I'll admit that some days dragged a bit, but I used my Momentum Tracker to take on the time intentionally and create the experience I wanted to have.  I included ideas such as: opening the big European windows and breathing in the fresh air, enjoying a mug of hot chocolate (it was pretty rainy and cold while we were there), expanding my horizons with water color, scrapbooking in my travel journal, taking pictures, and exploring with the kids.  What a difference it made.  Instead of cowering with insecurities, I confidently created.

It was there that my love for water color blossomed!  I think it is a gift tjat God wants me to develop and we  were able to spend hours sitting in the breakfast nook water coloring together.

(a water color that I did after visiting Trieste, Italy)

We got to reconnect with dear family & friends-
my cousins, a German friend from high school years, one of my hubby's friends from his mission to Berlin, the dear woman I lived with while on study abroad in Paris, a sweet friend from college years and even got to reconnect with my mission presidents who I hadn't seen since my LDS mission in Montréal Canada (2005-2006).

We felt strongly that my older sister should join us for part of the trip.  It was sweet to have so much sister time, and to share & learn from each other.  I'll be forever grateful with how good she was with the kids (she is able to connect with my son in ways that no one else does) and how patient she was sitting in the back of the van with their messes, spills and shenanigans!

One of the sweetest reunions was at the end of the trip.  The day before we flew home, my husband and I were able to do sealings in the Paris France Latter-Day Saint Temple with my former mission president as the sealer.  It was so very special, "Celestial stuff" as my husband's grandpa says.

We realized that we are more capable than we often think-

I was so impressed with the kids rolling with all of the changes, transitions and new experiences.  One day in Berlin we were jumping on and off different trains and subways to get to several destinations.  I commented to my husband, "we're doing it!"  Something that I had been so nervous about and it was really no problem at all.

Most of my kids are pretty darn picky.  I was amazed at the different foods that they were willing to try.  Salami & Gouda baguette sandwiches quickly became a staple.  As did nutella on bread for breakfast and frequent snacks ;0)

As a teenager, I never learned how to drive a stick shift.  Providentially a few weeks before our trip my hubby's cousin was able to give me a crash course in manual.  When we got to Europe the big difference was that I had learned in a small car on big American roads and now we were in a BIG 9 passenger van on small European roads.  BUT, I was so grateful I that i allowed my love for my husband (and my desire to give him a break from driving) be bigger than my fears.  I stalled MANY a time (including in a grocery store parking lot with a dozen strangers staring at me, at a round about or two, and even at a border crossing.) but I did it!  And I got better and braver each time I tried!

I had an important paradigm shift about pregnancy-

I was SO grateful that my morning sickness subsided a few weeks in to the trip, but what I didn't anticipate was how I'd feel about being overweight & pregnant!  The first week there I remember looking at one of the family snapshots I was in.  I was a bit horrified to see how big I already looked at 15 weeks.  I started obsessing over how I looked and worrying about being in pictures.  One day as I was doing laundry it was as if the spirit whispered to me, "Sarah, if you spend all of your time worrying about how your body appears to the World, you'll miss out on the joy of carrying your last child."  Oh how those words went straight to my heart.  How quickly I'd given my joy away as I'd allowed my insecurities to take center stage.  I had an important paradigm shift that day.

On my husband's last day of teaching he wanted us to come to campus to meet one of his classes.  I was exhausted from little sleep the night before and felt especially frumpy that day (We were going to be taking the train to Vienna and spending the day on foot seeing the city.  I had worn my 5x "overalls" from China and my comfy tennis shoes.) and had decided to just let the kids go up to the front.  Before we left I felt a strong impression that I should go down in the front of the auditorium and say a few words to the students.  In my mind I quickly said, "Feeling frumpy or not, I will do what God needs me to do."  A conclusion I may not have come to if I hadn't have listened to the spirit whispering to me earlier in the trip.  I went down to the front and through tears shared how much it meant for me to see my amazing husband and excellent father of my kids as a professor teaching.  I went on to say that no matter how the world measures success, for me it means the world to have a loyal and faithful husband who excels at work and at home with 4 almost 5 children.  As I concluded, all of the students collectively knocked on their desks, I guess their way of applauding me.  How grateful I was that I had let my faith in God be stronger than my fear of the world.

I got to share some of my favorite things with my children-

traveling, food, photography, different cultures & languages and art

I grew up LOVING all things French and over a decade ago graduated with a degree in French teaching.  Eiffel towers and Paris paraphernalia can be found in almost every room of our house and I've been eager to share this passion with my children...so many of my loves collide in France!  I'd dreamed of going to see Claude Monet's gardens in Giverny and it was a definite highlight to have my family there, my oldest snapping a million photographs alongside me and my daughters water coloring on a bench with me, listening to Gabriel Fauré.

I got to see my son through God's eyes-

After a full day at Giverny, we were returning to Paris for our last evening there.  I was excited to show some of my favorite sights to the fam.  Unfortunately everyone was (understandably) too worn out from 5 weeks of traveling & site seeing and just wanted to go back to the apartment.  I was feeling a bit let down & disappointed when my oldest son piped up that he would be happy to come see Paris with me.  This is my sweet, thoughtful, smart boy who is on the autism spectrum and deals with anxiety like his mama.  This is the boy that goes from calm and pensive to tantrums & throwing things in a few seconds.  This is the boy that often feels left out wherever he is and comments on how we hate him and that he isn't loved.  That evening together turned out to be a sweet tender mercy from an all-seeing, all-knowing, loving God.

I got a glimpse of my son through God's eyes that night.  I saw this often fearful boy bravely riding the smelly, sometimes scary métro around Paris.  I saw the generous way he gave his spending money to the beggars and street performers. I saw the way his eyes lit up when we decided to get slushies instead of waiting in line for the very popular and sought after La Durée macarons (I still want to try them someday).  I saw his excitement when seeing his mom's prized Eiffel Tower for the first time.  I saw how grateful he was when I decided to stay calm & have compassion when he spilled his croissant crumbs all over the ground...then his drink when leaning over to pick up the crumbs (a year ago I admittedly would have been embarrassed, my pride would have won out and my relationship with my son would have lost.).  I saw the way he felt special to get to share mom's favorite city with just him.  

(As I type these words I am tearing up because this week with him, transitioning back in to school, has been a VERY challenging one and I'm feeling worn out.  But as I'm reminded of these sweet times and his GREAT desire & NEED for love, though often elicited in the hardest, most difficult-to-understand ways, I feel a renewed energy to LOVE him fiercely like God does.)

God was able to use this crazy, loud, energetic, unfiltered family to share the importance of families-

(Doing a gender reveal near the Eiffel Tower)

I'm sure this family of 6+ in Paris was quite the sight to see.

 {We're having a boy!}

Before going to Europe I got back in touch with an awesome photographer that we'd met a few years ago in Paris.  We asked if he could do a mini photo shoot of our growing family to reveal the gender of our last baby. (Dreaming up this photo shoot got me through some of the nausea of first trimester.)  The shoot itself was so much fun, but what I'll always remember is how our photographer commented on how he had no doubt that each of our children is very loved.  And it's true!  Wow are we not perfect parents.  Oh boy do we mess up every single day.  Oh will our kids grow up with their own insecurities and challenges regardless of our great intentions and efforts, BUT how grateful I am for the gospel in our lives and the way we are trying to lead our children to Christ and to His perfect love. One of my favorite verses of scripture says, 

"And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins."

(the Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 25:26)

Again, how grateful I am that I opened my heart to the promptings that God gave my husband.  How many priceless experiences we had and lessons we learned during those 5 weeks.  God is good.  God is generous.  God has so much in store for each of us in such personalized ways.  Often our greatest blessings are waiting on the other side of our fear.  What is waiting for you?