Thoughts for Thursday: Elevating Truths and Victories.

This last year my therapist has helped me to identify the elevating truths and victories in any given situation.  Often times I've come in to his office focusing on the negatives and what seems to be going wrong.  He somehow is able to find the positive perspective and points out the truths and victories.

As time has gone on I have tried to do the same for myself.  I try to see the victories instead of focusing on my "failings."

Today I was hurrying to get ready to take my second grader to his SEP meeting.  He was anxious to get going and before I knew it barged in to my bathroom, blurting out, "Mom are you ready yet?"  I had just gotten out of the shower and looked up to see my son's startled face.  We try to teach privacy in our home so it caught both of us off guard.  As quickly as he'd come in he walked out of the bathroom and shut the door behind him.  I figured that he was likely feeling sheepish about what had happened so I put on my bath robe and opened the door.  Sure enough, there he was looking down at the ground. 

In therapy we've talked a lot about trauma.  When something distressing happens that we can't quite make sense of, we tend to subconsciously make up ideas that fill the gap of understanding.  For instance, I saw my mom undressed, I am a bad person.  I am not good enough to be loved.  How sad, but how commonly this takes place without us even knowing it.  My therapist refers to these as deceptions.  Unfortunately deceptions are like wearing different lenses.  They very much affect the way that we see the world and ourselves.  B.T. (Before Therapy ;0)) I probably would have blown things out of perspective, using guilt and shame to "teach him a lesson" but insead unintentionally pushing him to make his own conclusions and validating his deceptions.  Thankfully, the spirit helped me to be calm and to point out the elevating truths and victories of the situation.  I gave my son a hug and said, "Oh, I know it wasn't intentional, it's OK."  Then I asked, "Can I share 3 great things about what you did?"

1) You didn't come in on purpose.
2) You walked right out.  What a respectful choice!
3) You apologized.

I thanked him for that and offered that maybe next time he could just knock.  He responded, "I was embarrassed."  And we were able to talk about that.  A few minutes later I added, "AND you let me know how you felt and talked it through with me.  Five awesome choices!"

Not only was I able to point out his great choices, I felt like it was such a victory for me too!  Seeing, acknowledging and pointing out the elevating truths helped to elevate the situation in a positive way.  I was so grateful!  It made me think of Collin Kartchner's parent night last week when he mentioned how parents' all-to-often give overcharged responses when their children/tweens/teens come to tell them about the less-than-satisfactory choices they've made on social media.  What if we could look for the elevating truths instead of rubbing our children's noses in their choices?  i.e. You chose to be brave and talk to me.  You're making efforts to shine a light on some mistakes.  You are wanting to make better choices.  You are reaching out for help!

Our Heavenly Parents had such great love for each of us that They ensured that we would have a Mentor who would give us grace, help us see the good in each situation and love us to perfection.  It's the adversary who kicks us when we're down.  It's the Savior who always reaches out to lift us up.

Next time you find yourself wanting to "teach someone a lesson" (even yourself), perhaps instead point out the elevating truths & victories.  Notice what a difference it makes.  Pay attention to how the truth helps you to feel.  What a gift we can give to ourselves and to others!