Officially Facing My Dragons.

I'll be honest, although mental illness runs in my family and definitely played a role in my upbringing, I wasn't keen on the idea of looking in to my own mental health.  The societal stigmas kept me stressing over all of the "what ifs" instead of seeking for answers & solutions.  Finally in the Fall of 2017 my mental health was negatively influencing my physical health to such a degree that I felt sick and debilitated most days.  It was unsustainable, especially as the mother of 4 young & active children and a new puppy.  Something had to change.  I ended up doing a Facebook Live (see video here), sharing an impression I'd had regarding my mental health.  Little did I know that the comments I received would be more important than what I shared.  They were a springboard for finally being brave enough to officially face my dragons.  I say officially because I'd done my  best to deal with my anxiety for years and I KNOW that God has been with me every step of the way.  But I felt as if the stars aligned and this was my time to do something more.  Sometimes it takes us being vulnerable to get the help that we need and to make the choices that will in turn change our lives.  Vulnerability for me in that moment may sound trivial...

I made a doctor's appointment.

The two plus weeks waiting for the appointment to come created its own anxiety.  The day of I drove over to the office, trying to be as courageous as I could and just wanting to get it over with.  Because I was a new patient to the practice and because I was one of the last appointments of the day, I ended up waiting for over 2 hours to meet with my primary care physician.

Not only that, but by the time he had finally finished with his other patient, I was needing to pick up my kids from school.  Needless to say that my anxiety was through the roof, I was sobbing and an emotional wreck when he walked in the door.  But perhaps that was a hidden blessing because he had no reservation referring me to a therapist!

Next I had to get my blood panel done to complete my mental health evaluation.  Not a fan of needles, but I knew that if it meant greater overall health & happiness, it'd be worth it!

Then about a month after that I met with my therapist for the first time.  I'd met with another therapist a few times in my twenties, but it'd been over a decade since then and I was nervous about sharing the skeletons in my closet with a stranger and a man at that. 

Well, I can sincerely tell you that starting therapy was one of the best decisions I've ever made!  And I truly feel that my particular therapist (a LCSW) is a Godsend for me & my family.  He is truly exceptional and I feel privileged to have him as my counselor and mentor.  In large part this blog has come about because of the principles and tools he's teaching me.  It has been an empowering & life-changing journey and I can't help but share it.