By His Grace I Can.

  Years ago, while preparing for a natural birth with our first daughter, my Nother Mother mentioned relaxing and submitting to the process--that my body would know what to do.  Even tension and tightness in my jaw would hinder my progress while laboring. Several times I've felt impressed that this part of my journey is like  transition during child birth.   It's the discomfort, pain and rigor that make way for new life. BUT fighting it only delays it. Have I mentioned that I've resisted EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing)?  I'm quite proficient in analyzing situations cognitively, but seem to avoid FEELING my way through them. The last few times I've gone to therapy I've prayed and asked that I will allow myself to feel and learn what I need to, instead of resisting it. On Friday, my therapist asked a question to guide me to where my work needed to be for the session.  The memory that came to mind felt like the tip of the iceberg for unde...

About a year ago, one of my sisters was in town visiting for a few days.  I had finished lunch with the kids and had been down in my craft room for a few minutes, working with my sister to photograph items for her Etsy shop... when I heard a  serious cry of pain from my third child. He is a sensitive little guy and tends to cry easily and frequently,  but I knew something was definitely wrong.  I dashed up the stairs.   As I rounded the banister I see my son kneeling on the floor, blood dripping from his face and a puddle of blood on the carpet.    Unlike my other sister who was an ICU nurse for years, I get queasy over the smallest little injuries, even paper cuts.  If I could I'd always leave the injuries to another adult to field.   In any case, I knew that I needed to be as calm as possible to figure out what was going on.   And though I was somewhat composed I was still very panicky.   My daughters, who ha...

A few months in to this COVID-19 pandemic, someone posted that we are in the same storm, but not the same boat.   That struck a chord with me.   Yes, we may be dealing with similar overarching issues, but the implications and underlying issues are so personal. You may be suffering because of... ...a lay off ...a loved one fighting for their life or another who has passed away because of this terrible virus ...being quarantined at home for too long without respite or help ...family ties are already strained and quarantine has just exacerbated them. ...the panic and paranoia that comes from such a large scale disruption ...getting the virus and struggling through the symptoms and recovery My prayer for months has been, "Please bless those who are suffering because of this pandemic."  Whatever you are facing, I pray that a glimmer of God's love and hope can reach you, and help see you through to the other side. I looked through the last several months and these are...

This morning I was kneeling on the tile floor in our laundry room, fishing to the side of our dryer to pull out all of the random items that had fallen there over the last several months.  My 3 year old daughter came in clutching a necklace and apologizing sweetly for having broken it, I wish I could say I handled it calmly. I wish I could write that I sweetly forgave her. but the reality is I was so upset. Although she loves to borrow my necklaces, realistically she has rarely broken any of them.  But I think it's the fact that her older brother, my gem loving son, has often been the culprit, taking my jewelry without asking then either losing or breaking it. All of the past frustration flooded into the moment.  I grabbed the necklace and with frustration told her I was upset that something else of mine was now broken. My daughter ran off to her room in tears.  And I walked down the hall to mention the broken chain to my husband, "I don't want to just sa...

Hey All!  Happy Friday. I just wanted to drop in and share some feelings from the last little while... 1. Artistic- We got to attend our postponed water color class.  LOVED it! 2. Pampered- My hubby watched the kids while I tucked myself in bed, ate chocolate and sped read an AWESOME book in time for a book group. (More on that book later.) 3. SUPER frustrated- I wear Vionic orthaheel flip flops around the house because I have plantar fascitis and our puppy chewed up my new pair!!!  Arrgh!  I thought she was laying on our bed, but before I knew it she was under the bed chewing away.  Insert tears. 4. Enlightened- A morning that I had a special experience regarding each of our unique gifts and ability to shine God's light.  I took this outside the temple before going inside. (It was so powerful! Read about it here .) 5. Challenged- Some really difficult moments with my son with ASD.  I was praying to understand him better and that I could...

My Grandpa was one to document everything.  Either by nurture or nature I inherited that same zeal.  Those who have been around me enough know that a picture is probably in order each time we hang out.  I am the self-proclaimed selfie queen.  On occasion for me a selfie is to document a good hair day or a day when I'm feeling extra beautiful, but in general it's because I want to remember so many of the tiny moments that make up my life.  Today in therapy we talked about the importance of identifying and saying how we feel.  Too often we subconsciously label a feeling as "bad" and repress it and glaze over it.  Without receiving the message that it intends to deliver, it will manifest in other times and other ways.   When I got home I had the thought to look through some of my selfies from the past several months and identify which feeling/feelings I caught with each snapshot.  I've gotten in the habit of not only documenti...

I have always loved music. I grew up in a home where there was often inspirational music playing, my mom using her angelic voice to sing us lullabies and classical music accompanying us on morning rides to school. I was part of a children's choir for several years then Acapella and madrigals in high school and choir in college.  My hubby & I have sung in several church choirs together over the years and even a few duets. Many a stressful & grumpy morning wrangling the kids to church has been instantly pacified when singing the congregational hymns.  Time and time again my heart has been softened by beautiful music, preparing me to receive what God needs me to hear.  Music moves me almost like nothing else can. When I started using a momentum tracker a little over a year ago, I quickly realized that for me music is a simple way to fill up my tank throughout the day.  Music often puts words to my feelings in ways that I can't quite articulate for myself....

This morning I'd only been awake for a few minutes when I heard my oldest daughter scream.  It was one of those screams that you don't ignore.  One that signals some sort of danger or at least fear and pain.  I ran downstairs.  Between quick panicked breaths and sobs she was yelling at her brother to stop kicking her.  It's important that I note that this particular brother deals with ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder) and, although at the core of him is a heart of gold and beautiful intentions, at times it is as if he changes into Mr. Hyde.  The ensuing interactions are usually abrasive and hurtful both emotionally and sometimes physically.  I have told him on several occasions that if he is doing something that is hurting someone, they have asked him to stop and he persists, they have my permission to protect and defend themselves. (We also talk about getting out of the situation, but sometimes my son bear holds them and won't let them out.) Appar...

This last year my therapist has helped me  to identify the elevating truths and victories in any given situation.  Often times I've come in to his office focusing on the negatives and what seems to be going wrong.  He somehow is able to find the positive perspective and points out the truths and victories. As time has gone on I have tried to do the same for myself.  I try to see the victories instead of focusing on my "failings." Today I was hurrying to get ready to take my second grader to his SEP meeting.  He was anxious to get going and before I knew it barged in to my bathroom, blurting out, "Mom are you ready yet?"  I had just gotten out of the shower and looked up to see my son's startled face.  We try to teach privacy in our home so it caught both of us off guard.  As quickly as he'd come in he walked out of the bathroom and shut the door behind him.  I figured that he was likely feeling sheepish about what had happened so I pu...

I wanted to share one of the reasons that I haven't posted in several months. September 2016, at 10 weeks pregnant, our fifth baby earned its wings. It was a really painful and poignant time for our family, yet through it we saw how God brings sweetness to bitter experiences.   At the time I decided to share some of my thoughts from that day in the hospital-- Well, a little over a year and a half later we are expecting again!  We are overjoyed and feel incredibly grateful.  As I write that, it dawns on me that this little one is due right around Thanksgiving and what appropriate timing.  We are indeed SO very thankful. In part I wanted to share this news here because my mental health has been part of the journey.  We wanted to try sooner for a baby but I felt strongly that I needed to take some time for myself to get my health in better order, especially my mental health.  How far the Lord has brought me this last year!!  I fe...