From Here & There Friday: The Weight of Every Day.

MONDAY, JULY 8, 2013
The Weight of Every Day.

As I've mentioned things have been overwhelming lately and I often find myself losing my temper and frustrated with myself and the kids.  Bry has been trying to help out whenever he can to lighten my load...which currently feels like an emotional load more than anything.  It's not just the responsibility of taking care of three small children, those darn hormones are at play too!! ;0)  In any case, yesterday morning I woke up to Bry standing next to our bed with breakfast for me.  I sat up, put on my glasses and looked at the time... 8:48!  I'd been up with the kids around 6:30--just long enough for Brie to go to the bathroom and to usher them both back into their room to play til 7:05--then I'd gone back to bed.  In the meantime Bry had played with the kids and fed them breakfast so that I could sleep.  That dear man!  As I ate I could hear sweet Elijah contently sucking on his thumb.  What a wonderful respite and moments of quiet to myself.  But then I heard Brie & Alex and all of a sudden this overwhelming feeling came along with some anxiety pulling at my stomach.  Thankfully almost as quickly as the negative emotions had washed over me an inspired thought followed, prompting me to take a look at my morning.  I had gotten to sleep in, had a quiet little breakfast and break.  My little man would need to eat soon, but was patiently waiting for his turn.  Nothing hard had even had a chance to happen yet I was already feeling defeated.  Then I realized it was because I was carrying the weight from every other day on my back.  With that first negative thought it was like I had picked up an invisible yet overbearing load and slung it on my back as the first decision of my day (can't help but think of Jim Gaffigan, "As the first decision of my day, I will go back to bed ;0)).  I think I do that most days, so no wonder within five minutes of interacting with the kids I feel resentful and like I've already failed on my day.  In that moment while sitting there in bed I realized I had a choice, I could put on my load and grumble out of the bedroom like I've often done, or I could kneel down and pray and ask to truly start a fresh new day!  That didn't mean that our day went perfectly, but it started on a much better foot.  Besides that I've realized that I frequently let two or three frustrating moments taint my whole day.  Bry will come home and ask how things went and in a frazzled voice I'll precede to recount the play-by-play of our day...to quickly find that, wait...our day wasn't as bad as it seemed.  I'm trying to remember that when the frustrating moments come, to see them for what they are instead of blowing them out of proportion.  To realize that yes this moment is intense and not ideal, but it will probably be over in 30 seconds, and I can make it through.


4 April 2018
First off, I'm glad that back then I was learning to focus on the good things.  That can be such a powerful practice!  It's one that I continue to try to do, especially during extra trying seasons of life. Or when I doing a Momentous Activity and feel anxiety creeping in I say to myself, "There is nothing wrong in this moment, there is nothing wrong in this moment!"

In some ways I wish I could go back and talk to myself in that stage of life.  Using the Momentum Tracker to make time for myself a daily and regular priority would have been such a game changer in bettering my situation.

Also, the last paragraph that I journaled, about one or two hard moments tainting my whole day, reminds me of something that eventually helped with that.  While I was living in Illinois I was trying to be happier and to more readily see the good in each day, but I felt like my emotions would get the best of me.  I downloaded a mood tracking app on my phone.  I set it to pop up and ask me throughout the day how I was feeling, but I could also input my mood at any point during the day.  It was very revealing to see that most of my days were FINE overall, but instead of punctuating them with the FUN & particularly HAPPY moments, I was dwelling on the fleeting frustrating and frazzling moments.  It helped me to become more in touch with myself and shifting to a happier focus.