In to the Sunlight.

Imagine yourself at the bottom of a deep dark hole.  At the top you see an often blue sky, puffy clouds, sunset and sunshine.  Yet regardless of your seemingly constantly efforts to get out of this pit, you never are able to.  Sure the pin light perspective of nature brings you hope and moments of happiness, but you feel so far removed from it.  Your tireless attempts leave you exhausted, irritable, frustrated, discouraged, doubtful and depressed.  Within ear shot you hear so many others who are loving life, but regardless of what you have, your blessed circumstances or even who loves you, you just don't feel it.

Though you want nothing more, you simply can't understand how the sunshine feels.

Through a series of promptings from God, you & your husband take a leap of faith and move your family of 6 across the country, in the middle of the COLD Midwest Winter.  You find yourself much CLOSER to home, but still 3 hours from family and feeling very much alone and isolated.

You suspect that you've struggled with anxiety and bouts of depression for much of your life, but the social stigmas keep you from getting ANY sort of help.

Nine months of living in this new place, you hit rock bottom.  Your anxiety and depression have wreaked havoc on your gut and your overall health.  You find yourself in a near constant state of overwhelm, dealing almost daily with debilitating anxiety, nausea & upset stomach.  There is no way you can continue with this as your reality.

Though you feel very alone, if you could part the veil between yourself and Heaven, you'd actually see how busy God has been working in your behalf.  How many angels, on that side of the veil AND this side, He's enlisted to come to your aid.  Unbeknownst to you, reaching the lowest point in your life & being humble enough to get help, will become the biggest turning point and blessing of your life.

You meet with a doctor, are referred to a therapist and prescribed medecine to help with deficient serotonin levels, to make the process of healing more manageable.  Though months before you would have said NO to all of it, you feel like God has brought you to this moment and with it hope.  You're at peace with proceeding.

Fast forward a few months.

It's now a year after moving. You've met with your therapist for about a month and a half, are now taking vitamins that you were deficient in, and have been on a therapeutic dose of your SSRI for a couple of weeks.  Though it's the COLD Winter you literally feel like
for
the
first
time
in
your
life
YOU HAVE EMERGED from the deep dark pit

 and are FINALLY in the Sun Shine!!

THIS is the person that was hiding under years of baggage and debilitating layers of deceptions, doubts, fears and insecurities.  This is the person you had always hoped to be.  You are finally able to give your loved ones the best version of you.  With that comes a flood of confidence and love for yourself. Instead of hiding or excusing yourself or incessant comparing, you feel enlivened and excited to shine forth in your own way.

So here I am now, about a year after that moment.  I still deal with anxiety, but am now equipped with tools to take it on intentionally.  I still have deceptive thoughts that try to drag me down, but I'm much better at identifying & dismissing them.  Seasons of struggle & soul-stretching still come and there are moments when I feel the familiar darkness of that deep dark hole, but for the most part I feel like I'm living in the sun light.

And just as Winter is ending and Spring is starting to come, I have felt Springtime coming to my soul as God is walking alongside of me, guiding me in my mission.  I don't think I have ever felt such genuine purpose, thrill & gratitude to be alive
and to SHINE my unique truth!

It literally feels like SPRING in my life.

I know well that many of your stories are much different than mine.  You've sought help, but nothing seems to be helping.  The sunshine still feels out of reach and darkness and despair are more of your current reality.

I pray for you.

And I hope that something I share along the way will bring even a spark of light to your soul.  Hang in there, your Springtime will come!  It may take hitting rock bottom for you to get there, but it will be SO worth it.

As I recently mentioned in another post, even in those darkest moments when we feel buried in the depths of despair, our value in God's eyes is the very same, just as if we were a gemstone hidden deep in the earth.  It is no less precious.

Your path may feel obscured, unforgiving and bleak, but keep your sights on where you're going and continue on.  The light will come and with it a knowledge of God's great purposes for you and the precious gem that you have been created to be.

Your time will come to shine.  NEVER LOSE HOPE!