Motherhood Monday: Yo-yo and Success?

TUESDAY, AUGUST 9, 2011
Yo-yo.

Maybe it's just me, but I sometimes feel like such a yo-yo as a mom...especially with Brie lately. One moment we're laughing and having fun and the next I'm getting after her for doing something and it's time for another time out. The last little while has been especially challenging. It's one of those transitional times in my life (adjusting to life with 2 kids w/o help from family, a new calling, potty-training toddler who is currently the pro of talking back, Bry gearing up for Fall semester) and I'm trying to keep it all together, but today I put Brie down for a premature nap, sat down and cried while I ate lunch. I feel like it's so hard to juggle all the different roles. Some days I feel like I rock at being a house wife but belly flop in the mother department. Other days I feel like an awesome Mom but have still not showered (how many days has it been?) or picked up the house when Bry gets home at 5:30. Or it's putting my kids on hold while I put on my sister or friend hat. I just don't get how to keep it all going...it can be so frazzling, and sometimes I just want to go hide in a corner. I'm trying to turn to the Lord...I know He's there, I feel His love and concern....I know He has the answers, sometimes I just feel a disconnect, a little helpless and out of control. Like, did I really just lose my temper with Brie AGAIN?! Am I ever going to figure out how to be a loving and patient mother?

Anyway, things will be OK. They always look up. How could they not with Bry and the Lord on my team? ;0) I just needed to vent and include in this family history of ours the hard and frustrating times as well. After all, we all have them.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 1, 2013
Success?

I just was commenting on a friend's blog and decided that I wanted to record my thoughts here in our family history...

It seems like for the last few years I've been chasing after success in motherhood.  Thinking that it was hiding behind a perfectly clean house, dinner on the table, a skinny body, stylish clothes, behaving kids.  The more I chased the more I felt like I would never measure up.  The other day I was trying to get a million things done to have things just right for a visitor.  My to-do list may have been realistic...if I didn't have three kids.  Unfortunately I managed the day that way, turning show after show on for the kids, having them play in the room while I whipped around the house.  At one point I was feeling exhausted yet still had so many things to do.  I was on my knees putting shoes in our ever-full shoe basket when I decided to pray.  I prayed that I could recognize the things that were essential and to be able to do those things.  With that prayer I realized that I really can not do all that I could do before, and that's OK.  Since then I've decided that during this season of life I may not ever feel "on top of things"...and that if I can be OK with that I'll have a lot more inner peace.

The other day I was going to get in the shower at 4:30...in the afternoon ;0)...the house was littered with toys and kids' paraphernalia, but I felt content.  And I had this thought that the day had been well spent because I had tried to follow the spirit.  I realized that success for each day would be different, but I could feel successful and fulfilled if I had tried my best to follow the spirit.  How GRATEFUL I am for the gift of the Holy Ghost.  Where would I be without that sweet gift?  How grateful I am that life is a process, it's a journey, it's a time of learning.  We aren't meant to get everything just right.  We're not meant to be perfect.  How in the world would we learn if we never made mistakes?  I'm so grateful to be alive and to have the life I do.  It sure can be challenging, exhausting and frustrating, but the beauties and blessings abound as well.

9 April 2018
Several years ago, my Dad (who is very much a to-do list and get 'er done type guy) told me that the spirit could guide us each day to know that we're on track to become like God and live with Him again someday.  He shared a few experiences with me to illustrate.  One day he felt that the only thing he needed to do that day to be on track with what God wanted was to do the dishes for my mom.  Another day he felt like all that was NEEDED that day was to go outside and play catch with my brother.  I really love this principle!  I think we too often clutter our lives trying to do all that we THINK we NEED to do, when in reality the yoke God invites us to pull with Him is MUCH lighter, much easier, much more delightful and realistic.

I read the above two journal entries from several years ago and think, "Yep, I can still relate!"  I'm grateful that I've learned to bend more so that I don't snap as often and that being flexible can feel counter intuitive (especially for those of us with anxiety and OCD) but can be so liberating!  I'm thankful that I'm learning how to find inner peace instead of frantically trying to create it in my environment. (See my video where I include a mini tour of my disastrous Craft Room where I talk about a lot of these principles.)

Take a moment and look back from where you've come.  What progress have you made?  How have you changed and reached new milestones?  What lessons have you learned along the way?