By His Grace I Can.

I am SO very grateful that I hit an all time low in the Fall of 2017 so that I was willing to seek the help I needed. I really don't think I would have been up to being pregnant again or welcoming this sweet little man in to our family had it not been for the medical, mental, emotional and spiritual progress I've been helped to make since then. I'll be eternally grateful ♥️ After my therapy appointment last Friday I headed back to my van and through tears thanked my Heavenly Father for the gift that therapy has been. I've said it before and I will say it forever, it has been life-changing. I now see each day as a gift to live. My anxiety is most often replaced with calm and conscious choices and intentionally taking on my opportunities. I feel so much more love for my children and truly take joy in being with them. I look forward to using my gifts to bring beauty in to the world, to bless the lives of others and help them recognize their gifts. My priorities have be...

In the last decade or so I have come to realize that creativity is one of my God-given gifts or as my therapist would say, timeless traits. I often feel inspired with visions for projects and guided along the way as I bring the idea to life. After our son was born, with the Christmas season coming, I envisioned putting together some sort of photo nativity representation of our family.  I collect Nativity scenes and thought this would be a sweet souvenir to display each year. I decided that I'd take individual photos so that so that it wouldn't be a stressful event with trying to get all of us ready and in the picture at the same time.  And in order for each person to have a moment to imagine them self at the manger on that miraculous night.  Our youngest daughter (3 going on 4 yrs old) has a golden color of hair and I knew she'd be perfect as the angel. I excitedly helped her get on her golden dress, curled her hair and put on some sparkly makeup (she LOVES to dre...

It has been eight weeks since our little guy was born.   Today while driving up the hill, after dropping off my daughter [late] for preschool, the thought came to me how crazy life is right now.   I started thinking about the last year and realizing that everything about this last child has been harder than I imagined.   Honestly I figured it being our 5 th child, God would make it really easy on us.   But the pregnancy was one of my hardest, his birth was definitely the most challenging, postpartum has been a roller coaster physically and a consistent and “normal” life continues to feel out of reach.   As a small (yet important) caveat I will say that emotionally and mentally I’ve never been better after having a baby.   I told my husband tonight that it feels like there is a veil of patience and calm over me.   Daily situations that would have completely overwhelmed and upset me have barely been ruffling me.   That being said, things ...

I haven't posted in awhile because life has been filled with projects, Amazon prime, food, family and the holidays but especially all things baby-- Our little man came the day before Thanksgiving! He was due on 24 November, but with frequent contractions all month I was sure that he would come early.  Every time I thought the contractions would increase in intensity and frequency and that we'd be heading to the hospital, I started to worry about who would be there to help us out during his birth.  For most of the month the majority of my family was out of the country.  In my head, I kept running through "what ifs" and scenarios, trying to figure out "the best" timing.  Finally one day while reading the Book of Mormon, I felt prompted to let it go and trust in God's timing.  It was pressed upon my mind that He had long decided when our baby's birthday would be.  He had already arranged who would be there to support me and He would take care of ev...

A few years ago I was getting too caught up in the news and started worrying about raising my kids in this day and age.  As I was driving one day the thought came to me that I am not in charge of my children's salvation.  I can sure contribute to their gospel knowledge & happiness while on earth, and help point them to Jesus, but it is not up to me to "save them".  It is up to the Savior.  That is His role.  The eternal salvation of our Heavenly Father's children is a heavy and dear responsibility and He has not entrusted it to us His mortal imperfect children.  He allows us to take part in the process but He is not relying on us to make it happen.  He has wisely and carefully selected the One who can be entrusted with that, our elder brother Jesus Christ.   That thought brought me so much peace and relief.  I get to take part in that process, but it is not up to me. What a weight off my shoulders.  I started thinking of the...

One day as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in Verdun, Québec, my mission companion and I were crossing the street.  As we neared the other side I glanced over and saw a girl crossing in the opposite direction, covered in tattoos and piercings.  Almost intuitively I uttered a silent prayer for her, "God please be with her."  I was surprised and touched by the immediate thought that came to my mind, "I already am."  Though over a decade ago, those few seconds have impacted my life ever since.  It was a strong witness to me of God's love for ALL of His children and the sweet presence He has in each of our lives.  He doesn't quit showing up.  He doesn't quit sharing His love and working on our behalf, offering us our best life. A few months ago I was catching a connecting flight home.  As I found my seat at the back of the plane I sat down next to a friendly older woman.  I said hello and asked where her final d...

While we were in Europe for five weeks, our sprinkler system was out of commission. Needless to say that with the dry southern Utah Summer, we came home to a very pitiful & practically dead lawn.  For various reasons we decided that we'd re sod next year but got the sprinklers up and running and continued to water the dry scraggly patches.   Several months later, for those who didn't know the story and looked from afar, it would seem like we again have green & thriving grass! But with a closer look you'd quickly realize that it's 20% crab grass, 10% dirt patches and 70% weeds! Recently mowed, but a patch of weeds nonetheless! I wonder how often we glance at each other's lives and quickly ascertain that everything is taken care of and going smoothly. What if we knew the story? What if we took a closer look? I bet we'd actually come to understand the underlying stresses, unseen problems, and unruly areas that cause concern. And also re...

Last Fall when I felt like my life was a mess and didn't know where to start making changes, I attended a Stake Conference at church and came away with 2 distinct promptings: Wake up at 6AM and go on a morning walk. It may sound simple, but I was used to rolling out of bed when my kids needed me in the morning and rarely made exercise a priority.  Over the next 7 months I kept to those two priorities as best as I could.  (Little did I know then that it would help pave the way for other important changes along the way, one of the biggest being the use of a Momentum Tracker starting in November.)  As the temperatures dropped and the Fall turned in to Winter I stayed the course.  Other than icy roads or pouring rain, you'd see me out bundled up in layers walking each morning before the sun came up.  It was empowering and satisfying to take better charge of my health. March came around and so did morning sickness.  As much as I wanted to co...

Father's Day in Paris, France. Earlier in the year an opportunity arose for my husband to teach a 4 week college course in Austria this Summer. I know it probably sounds crazy, but when my husband first suggested that we take our whole family to Europe, I didn't want to do it.  It sounded like a ton of work with reason after reason to be anxious.  The thought of getting us all ready for a 5 week international adventure was daunting alone, without figuring in my fatigue and morning sickness of first trimester.  However, I've come to learn that when my husband feels prompted by God, it's a wise thing to listen and receive my own spiritual confirmation. As I pondered and prayed and opened my heart, an unusual and unfamiliar calmness settled upon me.  I knew that God wanted us to take our whole family on this "mission" and that it would be a great blessing for us.  I knew that God had prompted us to have this baby at THIS time, that He'd also ...