In Her Way.

In the last decade or so I have come to realize that creativity is one of my God-given gifts or as my therapist would say, timeless traits. I often feel inspired with visions for projects and guided along the way as I bring the idea to life. After our son was born, with the Christmas season coming, I envisioned putting together some sort of photo nativity representation of our family.  I collect Nativity scenes and thought this would be a sweet souvenir to display each year.

I decided that I'd take individual photos so that so that it wouldn't be a stressful event with trying to get all of us ready and in the picture at the same time.  And in order for each person to have a moment to imagine them self at the manger on that miraculous night. 

Our youngest daughter (3 going on 4 yrs old) has a golden color of hair and I knew she'd be perfect as the angel. I excitedly helped her get on her golden dress, curled her hair and put on some sparkly makeup (she LOVES to dress up like a "princess"). I added a few more layers to achieve the look I was going for. Within seconds she melted to the floor and started throwing a tantrum, refusing to be in any pictures. My surprise, in her sudden shift in cooperation, quickly changed to disappointment and frustration. Instead of inquiring to understand the problem, I angrily insisted she be in the pictures, somehow expecting that that would convince her to change her mind. The opposite happened. She threw an even bigger tantrum.  I being the mature mom that I always am ;0), stomped in to the kitchen, bemoaning the situation to my Mom. Thankfully my anger shifted in to sadness. How had I taken a potentially sweet project and allowed selfishness to enter the scene? How had coercion become the solution and my daughter's feelings cast aside?

A principle from therapy came to mind. We can either have a fixed mentality (I messed it up, there is no taking it back or making it better. I'm stuck.) or a growth mentality (we are here to learn, what can I learn from this situation and move forward?). So I offered a silent prayer in my heart, "I didn't mean for this to happen, I can't take it back but what can I do from here? What can I learn from this?" The thought came to go to my daughter and calmly explain and apologize. I went in to her room, sat down, gently pulled her up on my lap and talked things through, mentioning how important the picture was to me but that I shouldn't have acted meanly like I had. She sweetly put her arms around my neck to give me a hug and said, "I'll be an angel for you. But can I not wear the slip and the extra shirt, just the dress and crown?" How sweet is that? She sure touched this Mama's heart.  And in that moment I suddenly understood where she was coming from. The valuable answer to my question (what can I learn from this?) came.  Instead of pushing my point when my children show opposition, seek to understand the reason and their point of view.

The next day we started over with the pictures.  We left out the layers that she didn't like, it really was a sweet experience with my daughter and I got the pictures that I had hoped for.

Next time you find yourself in a situation that you dread, wondering how you got there and not  knowing how to make it better, remember the growth mentality. Ask yourself, what can I learn from this and where do I go from here? Then give yourself some space and some grace to try again and move on.